Hunger

I'm getting too fucking fat.

I was never very skinny, but lately I've been packing on the pounds like food's going out of style.

And I'm spending more, too.

I've got too much damn money in my account and I'm being reckless with it. I buy on impulse too often for the money to not really be mine. As far as finances, I'm failing miserably.

Perhaps worst of all, I'm missing classes. For the three years I've been in college, I've prided myself on having an overall good attendance record. Maybe I'm asking too much of myself in a college setting, but I feel I need to be at every class, and I need to be there as early as possible. I set very high goals for myself, and I can't afford to become complacent.

I guess it's an old problem I'm facing. Everyone who gets into a comfort zone loses what got them there in the first place. George St. Pierre lost his title because he was comfortable being the champ. The same thing happened to Tyson. Apolo on Battlestar Galactica got fat and lazy when they found New Caprica. When you're used to the top, you settle there, and you make it that much easier for someone with fire in their eyes to knock you off.

But keeping that killer instict is hard when no one can touch you. Anderson Silva's dominated the best Dana White has thrown at him. How can he still be as dangerous when he's beaten Dan Henderson, Rich Franklin, and a bunch of other top - tier fighters? Trying to keep the fact that you've got a target on you when you're on top in the front of your mind is hard when everyone keeps telling you you can't be stopped. You have to motivate yourself. You have to be dedicated to getting up early, working hard, and being on time for even the smallest engagement.

I need to motivate myself better. I hear the alarm go off at 6, but I wait 'til 8 or even 10 to get out of bed. Am I sleeping on gold clouds? Can I afford to not be the best and/or the most dedicated? Am I really that great I can't lose my money, or develope diabetes, or get kicked out of school? How dare I be comfortable! I need to be in the library, in the practice room on my horn, and running 'til I can't feel my MOTHAFUCKIN' LEGS!!!! I can motivate myself out of bed by remembering the words I'm writing now.

The worst place you can be is in a comfort zone, because men are willing to kill you to be in you place.